So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
