I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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