Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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