Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
