Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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