A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
