Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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