I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Bring me that man meat
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
