Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
