Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
