i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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