You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
