Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
