It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
