I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
