Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
