at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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