I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
