so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
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They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
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The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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