If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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