No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
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there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
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And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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