just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
