Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
