what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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