I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
