so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
