A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
