I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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