paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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