Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
