oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
