your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
