I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
