Do you still have your period?
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Randomize
