It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
