everyone is single if you try hard enough
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Randomize
