She is in my trunk
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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