if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
