Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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