great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
