Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
