is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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