I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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