everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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