You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
