So drunk its hurt
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
