nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
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