You're completely useless in the revolution.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
