I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
