She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
