He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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