Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
