the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
