Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
