dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
