Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Randomize
