that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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