I'm drive I can fine osifer
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
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I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
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You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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