I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
