I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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