Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
