it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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