Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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