I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
