At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
