i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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