there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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