he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
