apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
