I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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