in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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