best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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