I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
