i don't plan on having that self control this summer
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
