As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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