Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
