First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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