i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
