"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
