Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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