i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
