return my video game
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
