I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
