My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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