Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
