A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
