u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I think i got beer on your cat.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
