imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
